I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
