I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
