Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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