you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
