Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
