It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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