the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
