That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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