Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
we have pet lesbian snakes
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
