man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
