I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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