I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
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I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
did you just send me my own nude
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.