I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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