dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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