I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
