she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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