We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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