My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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