I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
