This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
