i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
