Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
