piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my poor anus
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
