I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
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Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
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after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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