Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My pussy is not your playground.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
