Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
