I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
