Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
