All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
