I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Still dying that you shit outside
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
