I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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