The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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