well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
