Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
