final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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