Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
