You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
