i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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