Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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