My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize