On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
