I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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