So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
