guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
