How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
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Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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