so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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