He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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