Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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