The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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