...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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