I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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