Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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