She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
