did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
