coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
