Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
