I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
