btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
