I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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