I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
